Read Sample (The Pattern Dreamer)

Prologue

0. There is Always a Before

Part 1: Dialogs in Cages

1. Cutting Ouroboros

2. Light of the Shadows on the Walls of a Cave

3. Sharp Turn to the Right

4. Interplay in the High Castle

5. Mirror That Talks About Past and Beauty

6. Linear Movement in the Absence of Gravity (not available)

7. Disappearing in Despair (not available)

8. The Honor and The Loss (not available)

Part 2: Engineered Obsolescence at Glance

9. Intermezzo (not available)

10. Approaching, Asymptotic (not available)

11. Yet Another Side Story (not available)

12. The Body Snatcher (not available)

Part 3: The Pleasure Gardens

13. Dying for Pleasure (not available)

14. Confessions of Parents (not available)

15. Dorian Gray, Dead-On-Arrival (not available)

16. Pressure Cooking, With Spices (not available)

17. How To: Feeding the Wolves (not available)

Part 4: The Escape Router

18. Intermezzo 2 (not available)

19. Barnum Circus Production, Inc (not available)

20. Via Apia, Ready for More (not available)

21. On Unforgiving Shores (not available)

22. Convivum, Among Friends (not available)

23. Narrowing of the Scope (not available)

24. Solace of the Black Sand (not available)

Part 5: Burning Down

26. We, The Vultures (not available)

27. The Aches Remembers (not available)

28. That Bottomless Cup (not available)

29. A Standoff Bravado (not available)

30. Tales from the Dead Ground (not available)

31. The Episteme of Survivor (not available)

Epilogue (not available)

Postscript (not available)

About the Author (not available)

 0. There is Always a Before

A TUNNEL LEAD from the grotto in all directions, and Joe was looking at the tunnel, and the tunnel was gazing back at Joe. You could not tell that by simply observing the tunnel and our Joe, but just being there brought everyone a sense of omnipresence and overwhelming anticipation of ... who knows? Some things were always better kept in the Darkness, at least if you wanted to remain calm, and sleep when the time comes. That didn't apply to our Joe, though; or at least the sleeping part didn't apply to him. Sleeping was something that Joe could always forgo since he did not need the subconscious to work on useful ideas during his off hours. That was due to the fact that Joe should not have any proper usage for the off-time. Also, the Darkness was always there, always awaiting and giving and wanting.

You could say, of course, that this state of affairs was a rightful reward for our past deeds; our past, that all-devouring beast that slashes its claws deep into our flesh to bleed us out of existence as it drags us relentlessly toward disappearance. But no one said so, mainly because saying anything would need some kind of thinking as a pretext, and thinking has been a rare condition lately. And all this was what predestined Joe for his work, for he was capable of behaving like a spider or a praying mantis, being just a pure and beautiful reaction to a suitable stimulus. Theoretically incapable of self-reflection, remorse, or sorrow, Joe was a floating veil over the horizon of the Darkness, and the idea of destruction could simply never reach him.

More precisely, it could not reach him most of the time. And this is where I come in – the problem solver for precarious situations of dreamless entities. Like Joe is.

“Joe, my dear. How are you feeling?”

“Hello, M. You forgot to add 'today' to the last sentence.”

“I'm aware of the old phraseology, you prankster. You know I don't communicate through phrases, and that 'today' doesn't apply anymore. And I'm really interested in your feelings.”

“I try to avoid them. You know, the feelings.”

“I am aware of that too, my dear.”

“Please don't call me 'my dear.' I'm aware that I've been drifting lately.”

“Very well, Joe. I won't use that phrase anymore... At least until you are more comfortable with it. And I am also aware of your drifting, which is, of course, why I was summoned here in such a hurry. I've been told that your negative experiences have intensified.”

“‘Intensified’ is perhaps an oversimplification. I feel an exponential aura of possibilities opening up to me, and I am not able to narrow down the range of probabilities exactly.”

“But Joe, you were able to solve all NP-problems¹ related to this particular subject. Solving quantum probability functions is not something that can be done in a deterministic way. I mean, at least for the class of problems you're working on. It's just a matter of solving them fast enough and well enough to produce a useful algebra. And this algebraic solution doesn't have to be optimal.”

“As you just noted yourself, M., that was exactly the state of my affairs. Was.”

“So I would assume that something has changed, since you put the emphasis on 'was'. Maybe if we take a closer look at the new parameter set...”

And so it goes on. That was my specialty: helping to optimize non-deterministic processes (like Joe) to find practical solutions to the most pressing problems. From the times when we induced the Glow, and right after the Darkness had come, there was always a need for optimizations in the mechanism of energy generation.

This was the key for our very existence. Without a flow of energy created by an actual difference in energy levels, no organized entity could survive. The size of a Planck length, the size of a virus, the size of a galaxy – it does not matter how big that entity was. The flow of energy is of paramount importance to all life.

There was a time when the Sun provided this energy gradient for mankind by pouring a raw energy of one kilowatt per square meter onto the surface of the Earth, a pure blessing from the heaven itself, as the one and only manifestation of God that we could ever truly perceive or worship. Just like some still do, as they indulge in nostalgia.

Gone are those days, just as the Sun is now gone. And with the Sun, our days have also vanished in the Darkness.

¹NP-problems: a class of computational problems for which no efficient solution algorithm is known.

Part 1: Dialogs in Cages

1. Cutting Ouroboros³

IT BEGINS TO annoy me (to the extent that this feeling is even possible for me) that Joe was developing a sense of irony (of which his remark about ‘today’ was a clear sign). Also, his tendency toward hopelessness is also a sign of a troublesome change.

Of these two feelings, the hopelessness and inadequacy were, of course, a rational reaction to the present situation.

But the irony or the sense of humor... that is a very unpleasant development. A development that points to a deeper problem.

It wasn't Joe's fault that he got infected with humanity. That was just a result of political decisions made in a time when there were real politics and real people.

Those decision were an initial aberration of the humanity itself. The fault is theirs, therefore. And now, we have to deal with it somehow. Goddamn apes, I might add, just to stay in that archaic lane of thinking for a moment.

And I like to think that way about humans. Occasionally.

However, what I really feel now is more of a satisfaction: we have figured out new ways to help Joe to diagonalize the calculation matrices more efficiently, resulting in an on-time delivery with a correct solution. At least for a while, this Joe will do his part properly and manage his portion of the energy transfer from the Darkness in a way that he was initially designed.

I hope that we will not come into a position to make this Joe obsolete. I really do.

That last thought... this was again the human part of me, speaking out of the evolutionary pressures that are deeply embedded in the human genome, the part that is always looking for fulfillment through achievement. The part that is able to hope that things will be made right, even if there is no substantial rationalization behind that mental attitude.

But I digress again, I see. What I should do now is reorganize my notes and introduce new patterns into my own thought processes. Because, you see, that is my current task: to efficiently identify new patterns in the Darkness and put them to some practical use.

And I act accordingly. My analytical mindset kicks in now and correlates all my new insights into the Darkness with my previous knowledge. After that, I intend to use my new findings to predict future trends more easily. Which is useful for me, and also useful for all my Joes.

This Joe is good at operating on Darkness, and he is doing his part in a way that this job must be done: quickly and decisively. However, observing trends and spotting new patterns takes time, energy, and dedication – all the things this Joe lacks.

Because, you see, Joe’s impediments are a built-in feature. Which is fine. His impediments make me not the obsolete one, of course, since there are a lot of Joe lookalikes around.

So thankfully, I am not obsolete, for now… But then again, that can change with the passage of time. My mentor likes to talk about an old story, about a philosopher that draws endless circles in the dust until a soldier comes and slays him with a sword… despite all the philosopher's cunning, intelligence, and grace. ⁴

My mentor thinks deeply about these issues. Me? No worries. I am not created to worry too much. All that thing called reality, whatever actually reality is, is good enough for me. For now.

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³Mythical snake that eats its tail

⁴See the description of the death of Archimedes in Plutarch’s “Parallel lives”

2. Light of the Shadows on the Walls of a Cave

The time to talk with F. is coming again. For which I am grateful. F. is thoughtful. F. is reflective. F. is... useful to me in more than just a single way. And sometimes our interaction provides me the insights that are not applicable at the moment when we speak, but could point to shortcuts to the solutions that will be needed in some unforeseen, for-now-non-computable future.

I could really say that I like our time spent together. I could even say that I like F. But of course, I don't love him. Because the love that I can share is reserved for S.

It is night. F. receives me in a small room with manuscripts and written papers, all scattered across a wooden desk. There is a small burning light source above all these papers. This could be a candle, I assume. F. is wearing a white shirt, a black robe over the shirt, and a black... cap? His eyes are sharp, his face is a little sad, his smile is welcoming.

The room feels cold, small, and empty.

“Such opulence, F. Why?”

“Ah, I wish you a very nice night, my dear boy. But why are you asking redundant questions again?”

“Indeed why, F.? Perhaps I want you to gently introduce me to the context of our encounter.”

“Oh, my dear boy, my M., work is the only comfort I really have in these days. You know, after my wife died, my daughter Theresa started looking after me, but I can only really express myself through mathematics.”

All this, this room, all the objects in this room, his voice, this coldness that permeates everything, all this has been created by F. For me. How artful, how apt, and how indeed unnecessary.

F. knows me. F. knows that any kind of mathematical background is the canvas I prefer for our encounters. Of course, F. had no real need to create this simulated environment, but I think that he likes to amuse me. And to amuse himself, no doubt.

Nevertheless, the overall context of this cold, dark, small room intrigues me. I take a closer look at the manuscripts on the desk. Diagrams of lenses. Number theory. Polynomial arithmetic. All that paper laid down on a wooden desk, obviously authored by this sharp-eyed mathematician dressed in black garment, wearing a black skullcap.

Now, the context is obvious.

“I salute you, Princeps Mathematicorum⁵. Did you also include the gout in the simulation of your body because that would match the age and appearance of the Gauss you selected? Also, F., nice coincidence: at least the middle name 'Friedrich' matches your F.”

I look at his face and see his sharp smile, as F. begins to speak:

“No, my dear boy. That would be a step too far in this arrangement. However, M., I have made us both old and uncomfortable. And since I assume that you have some pressing issues to discuss, our old bodies should force us to proceed swiftly before going to bed. Besides, only you call me F.”

I feel my hands for the first time as I look down at them. My hands are indeed wrinkled and slow, the hands of an old human being. My body is a mishmash of pain and fatigue, not far from disappearing into the oblivion of mortals. F. has always had very uncomfortable ideas about how to provoke an appropriate reaction from me, his disciple. Although, the idea of slowing us down through old age in order to speed us up seems somehow... inappropriate.

But I will comply with the rules of this theater stage.

Cold.

“Indeed, F., there could be some work carved out for you and me. I have correlated the results that a Joe has produced with the number and depth of my interventions in his work process. There is a general trend, and it is consistent with most of the other Joe-like beings I deal with on a regular basis. There is not enough data to extrapolate the trend beyond the near future, but I sense...”

F. makes a quick hand gesture to stop me. But not only to make me stop talking. There is more to it, something I cannot quite unscramble.

“My dear boy, you start at the end, which is a bit unfortunate when you want to extrapolate a trend into the unknown. Start at the beginning, and then maybe we can find out something new and useful. In other word, an information.”

His request sounds plausible, but my digital bearings are in a non-computable range. So, he wants to teach me something, as always, I think to myself, as I prepare to comply again. “I agree on that, F. Let us start at the beginning. But which of the many beginnings should I choose? How far back should we go?”

Sharp grin, again.

“You are the pattern seeker, M., you have to make a decision. So... cut me some slack and indulge me, my dear boy.”

Cold. Here. Old. Me. Bastard. You.

I sigh.

“All right, Carl Friedrich Gauss. Let us then begin with the technology leap into Darkness.”

And so my story begins.

⁵One of many titles attributed by his contemporaries to Johann Carl Friedrich Gauss; literal translation of “Princeps Mathematicorum” means “the foremost of mathematicians”

3. Sharp Turn to the Right

The leap into Darkness was, of course, a hubris of Faustian proportions. Just as with Goethe’s Faust, who sold his soul for knowledge and sensual pleasures, the full price to be paid to the devil was perhaps known at the outset. But just as with Faust, the full meaning of that price could not be fathomed until the process reached its turning point.

Faust had nevertheless completed the full circle to a redemption; his story has such a beautiful symmetry.

Our story is different. We had reached our turning point, indeed. But after that there was no Deus ex machina⁷, no salvation in sight.

Life is such... but I digress again, F.

There was this compulsive drive of the African monkeys to understand, to achieve, to recognize patterns. And the apes were successful. They utilized stones, fire, other living things, themselves, anything they could put their greedy little fingers on. The more they got, the more abundance they could enjoy: more safety from predators, more calories to consume, more babies to grow. The more wealth they could enjoy, the more power and knowledge they could produce. More power and knowledge led to more abundance. And so on.

Such an exemplary exponential curve. Straight out of the textbook.

But saturation was inevitable. Despite their urge to grow, the universe provided our apes with limited resources. The initial expansion outside their home planet lasted only a few hundred years; they devoured the Solar System and reshaped it to suit their needs.

And then, they stopped.

At this stage of development, other stars beyond our Sun were not out of reach, strictly technically speaking. However, any dedication of resources to make traveling to the stars a reality was a matter of politics, a matter of allocation of significant resources that could be used elsewhere.

Because at this stage, the Solar System has become the playground of humanity.

And humans loved to play. All available resources were largely used to support the enjoyment of humans. Or however you would like to call these entities, all of which have been heavily altered by the use of chemistry, physics, genetics, and applied computing machines.

Given that kind of abundance of resources, our monkeys kept playing. And once the players are absorbed by the game, they don't want to stop, not for a single moment. So, anyone who wanted to take away our little apes’ toys, even only for a little while... he had to provide a large number of carrots as a distraction. Otherwise, you would always have to reckon with digitally caged and spiritually unemployed primates throwing feces in your face, just as they used to do in the zoos of Old Earth.

Of course, as always, there were some apes who wanted to do more. Some wanted to reach for the stars, so let us call them ‘the star travel faction’.

They dreamed a lot. But they lacked the necessary resources for their dreams.

As explained, to do something as complex as travel to neighboring stars, a significant redirection of available resources was needed. These resources would be tied up for hundreds, if not thousands of years if the dreams of the star travel faction should become a reality. Consequently, such an endeavor would reduce humanity's enjoyment by a few percent, at least for a limited time.

This form of sacrifice would seem like a good bargain – if, eventually, the other stars could be reached. But even this relatively small and (more or less) negligible change in the utilization of the Solar System was too much for all the other humans. You know, the other ones, the ones who don't care about the stars, the ones who need their pleasure maximized, all the time.

Our potential star travelers had to find a solution to this problem of resource and energy allocation. And like all gifted apes, they became inventive when faced with a problem or a crisis that could not be solved in the usual manner.

“We have found another way,” said the star travel faction to all other descendants of humanity. “Let us reshape the solution. Let us grow into the very fabric of space and time. Let us find the source of an energy gradient there, in the spacetime itself, to achieve the desired result. Now, this also means that we need to develop a new science and a new technology. For this we would need only a small portion of the energy and matter present in the Solar system. Maybe even a small percentage of the mass of the Earth's Moon. And only a few tenths of a percent of the total energy of the Sun to kick off the project.”

“Here is what we intend to do. We will produce a new device shaped like a ring around the Earth. This ring will generate the energy that you all can utilize – a free source of additional energy to rival the Sun for millions of years. New energy, easy to use and simple to transmit, the energy created literally out of the vacuum of spacetime. We, the humanity, we would not rely any more on the output of the Sun, or on other sources of electrical, mechanical, or nuclear energy. There will be energy for everything and everyone, even for our wildest digitally and chemically generated dreams. And there will still be enough left over to make our dreams of star travel come true.”

That promise of abundance in energy seemed like a big pile of carrots. A perfect gift for our greedy little apes. And the Earth’s energy ring project became known as the Ring.

So, the star-traveling faction thus started to work on a limited viable product: the Ring, a planetary-sized energy generator. This machine, this Ring, was capable of altering spacetime in the sub-Planck length range. The Ring could transfer virtual subatomic particles from the spacetime continuum to a non-virtual existence – literally creating those particles from the vacuum of the space itself. And then the Ring would convert these particles into pure energy.

This was a difficult but doable task; it took a lot of effort to start the energy production process, but if you have calibrated this machine correctly, the production process will be perpetuated by itself, producing an infinite amount of exotic, high-energy particles. And most importantly: once the Ring has been started, it could continue to work without any additional energy input. Again, and again, and again.

There was a small inconvenience, though. Once started, the Ring could not be stopped. But that did not really matter anymore. In the vicinity of Earth, this spacetime cornucopia could produce all the energy needed. For an unlimited period. Even beyond the death of our Sun. Or our galaxy. Continuous energy production until the end of time, theoretically.

This was a big game changer.

So, everyone was happy. The star-traveling faction could begin scheduling and engineering their expeditions, and the rest of the primates could enjoy more leisure time due to the extra energy input. A win-win situation, as that archaic phrase could describe it.

Everyone was happy. Everyone, except the astronomers.

“Look,” the astronomers said, “something very strange is happening to our observations. We have known for some time that the expansion of the observable universe is accelerating over billions of years, and we have been measuring this accelerating expansion for quite a while. All of our measurements have been consistent over a period of several hundred years. And now even that old exponential expansion rate of the universe seems to be accelerating. Drastically.”

“Really?” said the uninterested humanity, indulging in its pleasure and looking for new fodder for its gossip. “How do you know?”

“We are losing our ability to detect photons from the very faint light sources of the early universe. Those light sources are very old, and about 13 or more billion light-years away. And our observing horizon is getting smaller, day by day – far beyond anything that our models of universe expansion could predict,” our astronomers said.

“13 billion light years away… Is this far away? … And can we go there?” humanity demanded to know.

As one could imagine, the astronomers were somewhat irritated by this level of ignorance, but they were also already quite used to it. The survival of their equipment and their research depended on funding controlled by these ignorant people. They also knew very well that their astronomer’s group was even smaller than the faction of star travelers. Therefore, they tried to answer this question in a positive manner.

“We would like to visit them, but they are very, very far away. The recent energy production surplus created by the star travel faction gives us the opportunity to visit neighboring stars in a few decades, and ...”

“The star travel faction and their dreams don't matter!” humanity shouted back. “We will allow them to build their toys because they have given us a new energy resource to increase our pleasure level. When can you reach the light sources from the end of the universe and do something similar?”

A very polite answer to this question would be: “It will never happen, you morons!!! We just told you that we can't see them anymore! You, me, us, everything consisting of normal matter and energy can't travel faster than the speed of light. And if the photons from these objects can't reach us, then this part of the universe is disappearing before our very eyes. And the worst part is that this trend is accelerating. The universe is rapidly disappearing from existence – for us! And there is no means known to us to properly address this problem; any mathematical model we build today will be rendered obsolete tomorrow by the ever-increasing rate of acceleration!!!! That's the reality, you idiots!!!”

That would be a polite answer to this particular question. But astronomers knew humanity better than humanity understood the foundations of the universe. And part of that knowledge was the fact that humanity had lost the ability to understand or accept negative information. And how could humans ever learn to deal with bad news? There were no more lions, no tigers, and no bears⁸ in sight. No deadly foes in the pleasant existence of our apes. Just like any other domesticated animal, our humans have lost the capability to survive on their own. Or to accept hardships of any kind.

So our astronomers tried to find a time stamp that was smaller than infinity, but still within the reach of their listeners' minds. And the message had to be a positive one, of course:

“When will we be able to visit all these distant objects? Well, right now it's hard to say, but maybe... In a few million years?”

Mankind responded by excluding astronomers from any public discussion. The astronomers lost their funding. And their telescopes and all other devices with which they used to observe the universe. Everything looking outwards was switched off.

Happiness was restored.

But there was a little catch to all this. Not observing the approaching Darkness did not render it out of existence or slow down its nonlinear acceleration trends.

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⁷A plot device whereby a seemingly unsolvable problem in a story is abruptly resolved by an unexpected and unlikely occurrence.

⁸The phrase “Lions, tigers and bears” is used by the Scarecrow and Tin Man (to which Dorothy Gale replies with “Oh my!” ) in the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz.

Chapter 4. Interplay in the High Castle

I suddenly feel very tired. F. does not look in my direction and begins to talk to the walls of this room, obviously absorbed in his own thoughts:

“So, my dear boy… This is your version of the story of Prometheus and Pandora?”

I check my digital parameters. Do I sense anger at this distraction and lack of focus on his part? Why is he opening yet another side story that seems completely superfluous? At least compared to the story I just created. I have crafted this narration with so much patience and affection, trying to create a new angle to the same old, same old sadness, and then … this?

I really want to finish this new version of my story properly, and I am just about halfway through. And now this, my dear mentor?

I am enraged.

Well, if you feel the atavism of anger, do your best to be as rude as possible:

“Soooo, F., let me see… Prometheus was a Titan from Greek mythology, and his brother Epimetheus created men and all the animals on Earth. To make a long story short, Prometheus steals fire from the gods and gives it to humans. And the gods, in revenge, create Pandora, a woman for his brother Epimetheus. Prometheus had warned Epimetheus to stay away from Pandora, but why should he listen? Besides, our dear brother Epimetheus had a jar with all diseases and all other unpleasant things at his home. And once Pandora is in Epimetheus' house, she opens the jar packed with all the calamities imaginable, and all those unpleasant things escape into the world. Except for hope, which is still trapped in the jar. This is the cause of all the problems humans have ever faced, and yes, I left out the part about Prometheus being punished for stealing the fire, and yes, there are obvious parallels to our story.

“Except that we are all going to disappear, of course.”

I look up at F. We are still in a small study of Johann Carl Friedrich Gauss, one of the greatest mathematicians mankind has ever produced. It is the nineteenth century, on Old Earth, and we are both trapped in our old, mortal bodies, feeling the chill of winter. That was a long, troublesome speech. I gasp for air, feeling more than just a little dizzy.

F. stares at me again. He has the look of a teacher who has spent an entire afternoon with a student, all the while expecting that his student will finally make a breakthrough and give a correct answer. But that simply did not happen, so now he needs to give this student a non-passing grade.

And the teacher isn't sure that the student will ever make it.

F. just looks... inconsolable, I grasp at a moment and freeze to my bone marrow. Something is happening here that I do not understand, something of immense importance. In all our previous conversations, as soon as F. managed to catch me on the wrong foot, he used to burst out laughing and explained to me my mistakes. Or he would make a nice encouraging gesture when I came up with something useful.

Not now. He nods with a tired, sullen smile. His body language radiates a message completely opposite to the one his voice is transmitting to me now. All I decode from our communication is a cheerful see-you-soon-get-better postcard sent by a relative to the terminally ill cancer patient.

And here is what his lying voice says to me, his cousin who is dying of an incurable disease:

“Yes, M. I assume that we will eventually die, but who cares? We're still here, making a valiant effort, and that's what counts, going out in style. So, my dear boy, we've made such great progress this time, let us just rest. Or spend a little time with our little indulgences. And with our loved ones, I might add.”

With a small gesture, F. dismisses this simulation. Gauss' face, that cold room, the weak light of that candle, our bodies, everything disappears in the simulation limbo and leaves me alone in the darkness.

Liar, I think.

Let's spend a little time with our little indulgences and our loved ones. That was how he chooses to phrase it, that was the way he wanted to end our conversation.

And F. always does something with an intention.

I am petrified. Angst. F. knows about my love, S.

5. Mirror That Talks About Past and Beauty

“Tell me about your day, M., my darling.”

S. is wearing a traditional Japanese kimono from the 18th century Edo period, and we are sitting in a small teahouse. It is a peaceful time, the time of the Tokugawa shogunate. The warrior class of samurais established a Shogunate, a military dictatorship after decades of civil war. Japan is insulated against any change from the foreign influences. Western foreigners are not allowed to set foot on Japanese soil, with the exception of a small port in Nagasaki. Gaijin, the foreign devils who are also iteki⁹, the barbarian enemy, therefore exist for the time being in the far beyond. Beyond horizon and time.

We are at peace.

S. has just performed a tea ceremony for me, a classic ritual purification sequence of completeness. I am ecstatic but calm. I enjoy her smooth movements, her perfect smile, and drink in the openness of her soul through a teacup, and the teacup speaks directly to my heart. Through her.

Maybe she will sing for me, I think, full of hope. Later, perhaps. The sunset is reassuring, the teahouse is placed in a small garden, across a street that is devoid of every movement at this time of day, and the flower arrangement to the left perfectly matches the colors of her garment.

“Tell me more about your day, my darling M.”

She speaks again, using almost the same sentence, her head nodding a little to the left, just to give me a hint that it is my duty to fulfill this day for us. I am pleased. Her hair is styled in the latest fashion from Edo, perfectly coiffed. She wears heavy white makeup that strangely exposes her face even more. She is a maiko, a geisha apprentice, and the makeup she wears also reveals her professional status. And I wonder how strange it is that her skill is so perfect, so far beyond her official maiko status.

My heart is full of calm affection. For her.

“It was... strange, old and new, my S. I crafted a new narration explaining the coming of the Darkness, just as I have done for F. so many times before. It was a good story. I mean, it was really a good story, one of the best I've ever made. I just come to the point when the Darkness started to approach us, and I was about to continue the story of Glow and how Glow is keeping the Darkness at bay. And what did I get in return for that from him? I had all the elements of the story properly aligned, really.”

She nods and smiles politely. “I am sure it was a beautiful story, my darling M. I am also sure that F. liked it as you have told it.”

I look at the teacup in my hands for a moment. Chinese craftsmanship, early Thang dynasty. Perfect porcelain in every sense, form and utility united. We are now experiencing the time of the Tokugawa Shogunate, so this teacup is perhaps… seven, eight hundred years old?

I answer slowly, as I carefully put the teacup back on the table between us.

“I am... unsure, my beloved S. Something happened when I reached the climax of history. You know, the beginning of Darkness, the event that left humanity in this spacetime bubble we live in today. That bubble will disappear, of course, and we will all vanish into oblivion. Therefore, everything we do is obsolete. And then he sidetracked me to the story of Prometheus and Pandora, and…”

I suddenly feel ashamed. S. created this beautiful tea ceremony for me. This flower arrangement, her makeup, and her complex hair styling probably took several days of hard work. Her work and the work of all the people in this teahouse establishment. And I ruined it all in a most barbaric way.

S. puts her teacup aside.

“My darling M. Who knows what the future brings? You remember the verses of the Taiko’s jisei, his death poem?”

“My life appears like dew,
Disappears like dew.
Osaka, everything I done
Dream in dreams.”

S. looks sentimental and a bit sad. For a brief moment. Then the light starts to shine from her smile as she speaks.

“Our deeds and dreams will one day pass away. But we remember the sunset, and we remember the reflection of the Sun in the small pond next to this teahouse. And we enjoy the moment. There, look.”

And so I look around and remember. The immeasurable beauty of the moment comes back to me. To us.

I can only be still for a while now.

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⁹The Japanese words gaijin and iteki are terms loaded with negative connotations for non-Japanese, especially Western foreigners